"Arm yourself because no-one else here will save you The odds will betray you And I will replace you You can't deny the prize; it may never fulfill you It longs to kill you Are you willing to die
The coldest blood runs through my veins You know my name"
När jag tänker på det så känns det ibland rätt skönt att gå ifrån 20 åringarna. Att lämna blont hår, stora bröst, utseende fixering, modefixering och sånt. Visst den finns ju fortfarande i äldre åldrar också, det kan man ju inte förneka. Men det känns nästan som om den är mest intensiv i 15-29 års åldern. Eller är det kanske bara jag som tycker så...?
Anyway, som jag skrev så känns det ibland skönt att lämna det bakom sig och gå vidare. Jag höll på att skriva "gå vidare och att bli vuxen", men ändrade mig då jag anser att man behöver inte bli vuxen. Varför ska man alltid ta allt på sånt jävla allvar jämt? Fan, man måste ju ha lite distans till livet och sakerna omkring en.
Visst, man måste ju vara seriös också, men man får inte glömma sarkasmen, och att vara sådär skönt oseriös ibland.
Fan alltså...jag blir 30 år...jävlar i mig. Iof. när jag skriver det så känns det inte så gammalt och farligt, men tänker jag på det och säger det så låter det...usch, gammalt. Då ska man ju ha flickvän, bra jobb, hus och barn...iaf. var det så när jag var yngre. Då var det så standarden var satt, men allt eftersom tiden gick så ändrades standarden och idag har jag ingen koll på vad som förväntas av en när man blir 30. Man sätter ju själv upp dom mål man vill ha, men man kan ju inte komma undan att andra har tankar och tycker saker om en.
När jag var yngre och tänkte på mig själv som 30 (a.k.a. "vuxen") så såg jag mig i ett kontor på "plattan" i Stockholm, jag satt där och arbetade med något och bar en schysst kostym med självklar slips till. Sen åkte jag hem till min flickvän/fru och levde mitt svensson liv eller nåt sånt. Jag ville verkligen flytta till Stockholm när jag var yngre, tyckte att det var en sån skön stad. Men efter ett par år och många vistelser så insåg jag att Stockholm stad är ju inte så skön som många påstår. Sveriges framsida? Pah, knappast säger jag.
Men nu glider jag iväg i en annan sak här känner jag så jag ska försöka återgå till ämnet. När jag var yngre så såg jag mig sitta i kostym och jobba på kontor när jag var "vuxen". Har det blivit så? Mja, om man tar bort plattan, Stockholm ersätts med Göteborg och kostymen så stämmer det nästan in...usch.
Jag jobbar i ett kontorslandskap centralt beläget i Göteborg, kostymen behöver vi inte ha längre (tack chefen!), men ett tag där så satt jag faktiskt och arbetade i vit skjorta och röd slips, fy fan vad jag hatade den kostymen. Byxorna satt jävligt illa, skjortan likaså, och slipsen...inte fan kan jag knyta en slips inte. Samt att den hade en förmåga att krypa ner i min mat hela tiden. Tillslut "försvann" slipsen, jag skyllde på att jag hade tappat bort den, men i själva verket ligger den i en låda på jobbet...
Det är ju inte det att jag har något emot att ha kostym, inte alls! Jag önskar ibland att jag hade en eller ett par snygga kostymer som jag kunde ha. Men då ska det vara ett sådant jobb där det finns anledning till att jag ska ha det, samt att den ska vara sydd så att den sitter snyggt också. Kostymen jag hade på jobbet satt minst sagt illa och ville man sy till den fick man betala själv och inte fanns det någon anledning till att vi skulle ha den, inga kunder ser ju oss.
Men som sagt så, målen sätter man upp själv. Har jag några mål / haft några mål i mitt liv hitills? Visst har jag det, och visst har jag haft det! Men dom behåller jag nog för mig själv tack, försöker nämligen att undvika att tänka på dom.
Föräldrar och familjemedlemmar brukar ju ha en del mål uppsatta åt en också som dom gärna ser att man fyller upp. Morsan vill ju ha barnbarn det vet jag, och jag vill gärna fixa barnbarn till morsan, men det är förbannat svårt när man inte har en tjej. Brorsans fru tycker väl att jag "ska växa upp och bete mig mer äldre". Men varför då? Undrar jag. VARFÖR ska jag bara för att jag fyller 30 bete mig mer "vuxet" egentligen?
Och vad fan är "mer vuxet" beteende då?
* Är det att dricka kaffe? * Att kunna sitta på en stol och lägga upp ena benet sådär manligt eller korsa det? * Kunna odla mörkt brösthår i mängder? * Sluta gå på konserter med artister och istället gå på dansbandskvällar? * Kunna sätta upp den där hyllan istället för att be om hjälp? * Ta körkort?
Hell no!! Jag vägrar!
* Jag avskyr kaffe! (blir så jävla speedad av det, samt att det smakar skit). * Jag kan fan inte sitta på en stol och lägga ena benet över sådär manligt eller ens korsa det. * Jag har brösthår, men det är ljust och inte så mycket (so fucking what?!) * Jag vägrar sluta gå på konserter med dom artister jag tycker om. * Jag har inga pengar till körkortet. Jag har inte ansett att jag behövt körkortet tidigare, men visst vore det kul att ha.
Men om det nu är så viktigt att ha så ge mig pengarna då, för jag vill hellre ha den där nya Dimmu Borgir skivan, DVD boxen och behöver uppgradera datorn.
Fan heller att jag kommer att bli "vuxen", hate it or love it i don't care.
"Härmed säger jag upp mig som vuxen. Jag har bestämt mig för att jag bara vill ta det ansvar som passar en åttaåring. Jag vill gå på McDonald's och tro att det är en trestjärnig Michelin-restaurant.
Jag vill tycka att M&M är bättre än pengar, eftersom man kan äta dem. Jag vill springa barfota i mjukt gräs, smutsa ner byxorna, ligga under ett stort träd och ha en saftkiosk tillsammans med mina vänner en varm sommardag.
Jag vill ha regnställ och gummistövlar och få plaska i pölarna. Jag vill att mamma gör goda mackor och varm choklad. Jag vill tillbaka till den tid då livet var enkelt. När allt jag kunde något om var färger, multiplikationstabellen och barnsånger.
Och ingenting bekymrade mig, för allt jag visste att jag inte visste, brydde jag mig inte om. Allt jag visste var att vara lycklig för att jag inte kände till de bekymmer jag skulle bekymra mig för.
Jag vill tro att världen är rättvis och att alla är ärliga och snälla. Jag vill tro att allt är möjligt. Jag vill ha möjligheten att bli överväldigad av de små sakerna och händelserna igen. Jag vill leva enkelt igen.
Jag vill inte att min dag skall bestå av datatrassel, berg av pappersarbete och dåliga nyheter. Jag vill inte tänka på att få lönen att räcka en hel månad, jag vill slippa läkarräkningar, skvaller och att mista människor jag tycker om.
Jag vill tro på betydelsen av en kram, ett vänligt ord, sann rättvisa, fred, drömmar, och jag vill göra änglar i snön igen. Så här är mina kreditkort, mina bilnycklar, mina räkningar och min pensionsförsäkring.
Härmed drar jag mig officiellt tillbaka som vuxen!
Vill du diskutera detta får du fånga mig först - Kull!
Vi ses i sandlådan. Om jag får leka med dina grejer får du leka med mina ..."
Ovan text är "Uppsägning från vuxenlivet" skrivet Dag Öhrlund
. . . .
Aaah, sooon! Sooon, Daniela my ex. girlfriend will come for a short quick visit. She will only stay for 10 days, but it's better than nothing. Ex. girlfriend you say, isn't that kinda wierd? You might think.
No, I don't think so since we get along so well. But sure this time is going to be a test for us since we haven't seen each other since she was here from like july to early september 2006 (I think it was...). She says she has gotten over me, I feel that I have been able to let go of her (after like 1 ½ years of hellish aching pain), so we'll see what happens.
After we broke up it was hard talking on the phone with her, almost all the time I ended up close to tears and that made her sad sometimes kinda angry with me for not letting go...but it was so hard letting go of something so wonderful like her. I never had a girlfriend like her before. But I don't wanna go down that old memory lane again, I you would like to read my thoughts of her then just look into my old posts and you'll find it.
Anyway, so yeah. This will be a test for us to see if we get along well still. The few times we've been talking on the phone (after i got over her) it's been all cool, we've been laughing and stuff. Kinda like in the beginning when we knew each other...
Damn, that made me realise once more how much I wish I had a girlfriend. Sometimes I don't think about so much actually, but just somedays I can't stand to be around people. All their hugging, kissing, holding hands and all that just makes me so depressed and feeling lonely. Sure I sometimes enjoy being alone, just me and my cat, and sometimes I enjoy the company of my friends...but most of the times I wish I could share my time with that special person.
One of my friends at work, let's call her Ms. Smith. She has been aching for this guy, lets call him Mr. X. She's been telling me that she is so much in love with him and how she feels that he is THE ONE. I've been trying to help her out with some ideas on how to advance to him but I don't think I was any help.
And a couple of days ago Ms. Smith sent this guy a SMS, a forward but still very subtle and nice SMS to him. She was so much hoping for a good answer, and who didn't?? But unfortunately he said he didn't feel the same way and now she's...hmm, I don't know the right word so "down the drain" is the only one I could find.
I wan't to help her out so much, but I don't know what to do or to say. I wrote an email to her today saying that she shouldn't give up all hope about him. If she still is there close to him maybe one day he will wake up from that "coma" of his and realise what a nice girl he has beside him. I kid you not, Ms. Smith is a cute, fun and a smart girl but with a kinda, hmm, for me wierd taste of music (Josh Groban...uck). I also told her not to completely close in on Mr. X, but to keep her eyes open for other guys too..
Why I don't hit on her?? Oh, I tried...but after a while she told me that she is into religion and her man must be into the same religion. And since I don't believe in them gods she believes in we just left in on a friendly plane. It's kinda wierd when you think about it:
She:
* Josh Groban style music and musicals. * Religion is a BIG part of her and her life.
Me:
* Metal and other sorts of music but NO J.G. style music or musicals. * I don't believe in religion, actually I sometimes despise it.
We are sometimes the opposites, but still we connect really good...funny how mankind works sometimes.
Oh, well...
. . . .
I got to see the excellent soul band The Commitments live tonight!!! HELL YEAH!! They kicked some serious soul assss!
I took some pictures and recorded their live version of "Mustang Sally", but that have to wait. The clock is about 01.00 in the night and I have to go up at around 07.00 in the morning...
Until next time, drink some good beer, listen to that fine music and love yer woman in everyway she deserves!
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A couple months ago I found a computer with a monitor in my storage room. It just sat there with a note that said
"Take it if you want it! The computer works, but you will need a harddrive."
I took it home and I tried it out with my brothers old XBOX HDD (when he chipped the XBOX he put in a larger HDD). Everything seemed to work ok, but since the XBOX HDD was still locked or something I couldn't use it.
Lucky me I have friends that had a spare HDD that I could borrow and yesterday when I got home the trip to a new working PC started...
I had promised my mom she could borrow the computer so she could transfer some really old recipes from her mom and grandmother. No one except her can read their handwriting so we thought it would be good to do it before the recipes fall apart.
The first problem I ran into was something to do with a missing NTLDR file or something. At first I had no idea what that meant and I unplugged the HDD, DVD, CD-RW and put them back again...no luck.
I came to think that I have my PC with a working internet connection so I found a solution for that pretty quick. After that I ran into some smaller problems with my Windows 98 disc, it just didn't want to install...why am I not surprised...
But after a couple of hours with formatting, installing and stuff I managed to make my way to a working Windows XP installation. If i hadn't promised my mom the computer I would had installed Linux on it instead to play around with and to learn myself how it works.
Oh, well...i just hope she will use it.
Thanks go out to:
Stefan (friend) - for providing me with the HDD. Sababa Sushi (cat) - for keeping me company. Mjau mjau =^_^= Google (search engine) - for providing me with solutions. The anonymous neighbour - for leaving the computer in the storage room.
. . . .
Sooon it's weekend!!
I have no plans except sleeping and watching some movies. On sunday my brother comes to help me out with one of my shelfs that has gone a bit loose...we'll see if he decides to show up.
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Don't have much to say...the new music festival Way out West starts today. I wish I had money so I could have gone there...
Artists like Lady Sovereign, Kayne West, The Hellacopters, Eagles of Death Metal, Koop, Lily Allen and so on are gonna play there.
But hell no that I pay over 1200,- SEK (ca. 129,- EUR) for a 2-day ticket! It's way too expensive. I think they could have cut the prices a bit more since this is their first year they have this festival.
Oh, well...nothing to do. I missed out on The Rolling Stones last friday too so, what the hell...
. . . .
Some people say "Jesus saves", but according to me "Cats saves too"
^_^
. . . .
Uck, I have a headache...and that it's hot outside dosen't make it better... -_-
But now it's lunch and we have some Frank Zappa on the radio!!! Yay!
"He thought he was a man, but he was a muffin!"
. . . .
Aah, back from lunch (thanks mom for the great lunch pack you've made last sunday =^_^= ), my headache has gone down a bit and I've found 20,- skr lying in my wallet unused (!!).
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Uck, starting working again...the first day after my vacation I felt like shit. I kid you not when I say I was almost about to fall into a pile and start to cry.
I felt so bad for having to go back. But I took out some of my last guts and pulled myself togheter and went there. The first week I applied for a couple of jobs and I put up my CV on IKEA and Volvo so I hope they´ll see it soon. I need to get outta here, this place isn´t human!!
Luckily I have some people that make it worth coming here, thanks to you. You know who you are C, J, R, N, S, E, M, A, E...
. . . .
That scratch post i bought for my cat (btw. her name is Sababa Sushi) and it took about 2 weeks for her to really get used to it. In the beginning she wasn´t sure about it but now when she lies on top she looks like she owns the world and we are just her peasants (witch is true i guess ^_^).
. . . .
The swedish pop band Kent are going out on the road again to play some shows before they release their new album, and as always their tickets sell out and they sell out FAST! This time the tickets for the show in Gothenburg sold out in 15 minutes and the extra shows were sold out in 5 minutes (!!!)
I wanted to buy a ticket but as before I totally forgot about it and no luck for me...I thought. Today when I sat at work updating my blog *hrm* I mean i was doing work related stuff *hrm* when one of my colleagues asked me if I had bought a ticket already, and say as it was and all of a sudden I got two tickets to the concert at the show on the 25:th of November (!!!).
I quickly e-mailed out on work that I had a spare ticket but no one has the same excellent music taste as me and they are all pussies so no one answered...too bad for them.
. . . .
A couple of days ago me and some friends went and saw The Simpsons movie. It was kinda wierd to see it after all these years, I was also kinda worried that the movie would mean that it´s the end of The Simpsons. But after seeing the movie I can´t say that I am worried anymore.
If I´m gonna try to rate the movie I would give it 3.5 spiderpigs of 5.
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I didn't had enough money to go away to some exotic country or something like that so i stayed at home. I have a little one to take care of nowadays (in case you don't know what I mean, I've got a new cat).
So I stayed at home in my beloved Gothenburg. The first week I sought after good prices for a cat scratch ("cat tree"...?) playing thingy, you know so she can climb, scratch and play. I found A LOT of cool ones but the prices were pretty steep, from 300,- SKR to 3000,- SKR (!!!). WHO pays 3000,- SKR for something like that for a cat...
The other week (I had two weeks vacation), I went around searching for a frame for two posters I´ve got. I quickly found out that buying a specialized frame would cost me pretty much so I had to lay those plans on the side and went and bought that cat scratch thingy instead. The one I bought looks something like this one, Odin.
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A couple of days ago the angriest band in the world, Rage Against The Machine, played live at Coachella Festival (California, US).
I first found a bootleg record of the show, downloaded it as fast as I found it, since I was...no I still am a fan of this band.
And today when I was surfing around on one of my favorite bootleg sites I found the live DVD (!!!). Yes the whole freaking show on DVD!!!
I haven't downloaded it yet since I need some harddrive space, but I found this 11 minute clip from the show. It feels good to see that Zack de la Rocha, Tom Morello, Tim Commerford and Brad Wilk are still angry and pissed and kicks ass live.
Rumors goes around that no new album isn't to be waited from this band, but other rumours say that there might be...well, the future will tell.
And until that, ladies and gentlemen please enjoy this fine clip of Rage Against The Machine live at Coachella Festival 2007:
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This message that follows is in swedish, and swedish only, and may not be very proper swedish since I am currently under the influcence of alcohol.
Jag har druckigt ett par öl ikväll, pratat med den fan sötaste tjejen på mycket länge (kommer nog inte att träffa på henne inom en snar framtid misstänker jag) och är pga. dessa öl lite lull lull om man så säger.
Men känner att fan jag måste liksom snacka av mig lite granna...fast vet inte om vad.
Den däringa tjejen kanske?
Varför inte!
Hon heter Lise och är en arbetskompis kompis, och är gryyymt söt. gillar hennes näsa och ögon, vet inte varför just dom sakerna tilltalade mig, men så är det.
Hon var riktigt trevlig också, så det var ju ett plus i katalogen...fasen, hon var söt.
Skriver kanske mer i morgon då jag förhoppningsvis är nyktrare.
Godnatt!
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As Ice-Cube sang "Today was a good day", today was a indeed good day...well at least the start.
I woke up and I felt a little tired but not so much, kinda unusual for me at a working day. Ate breakfast and made myself ready and made it to the bus.
Put on my headphones and listended to some good music...and was in a good mood when I arrived to work, but that changed pretty quickly when I got to know from a colleague that she got a new job.
Sure, I'm happy for her cause she dislikes the job as much as me, but it's sad to loose her. She's a fun person, a bit crazy from time to time and we had some good laughs in the past.
She will be missed alot, I hope she will be happier with her new job.
Well it can't be worser at least.
. . . .
Midsummers eve is coming up and I have no idea yet what I'm gonna do. It would be fun to gather some friends and go away somewhere and barbecue and drink some beer. Maybe by some lake or something so you could take a swim...
Yeah that would be great...
Gotta ask my friends what they are gonna do.
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I have been spending a little time on reading old posts I made on this blog. It was fun to read, I think I'll spend some more time soon reading them all.
I kind of felt like going back in time...
And I also found some links to some blogs I used to read but lost track of...
Oh crap...look a the time (right now 21:49) and I still haven't ate dinner nor made lunch for tomorrow. Well I only need to cook some pasta and it's finished. ;-)
Peace out y'all!
Btw. Who are you people reading my blog?
How did you end up here?
Yes I see that people are coming here and reads (i guess) this since I have the counter and I can see some statistics on a site I've set up.
So please leave a message telling me who you are, would be fun.
When I was at the tram today on my way to work someone had carved the words "Jag vill spela roll" (in English: "I want to matter") on one of the windows. I was thinking about it if the person who carved that just did it for fun or if he/she did it because he/she is feeling bad (mental health)...
I wanted to take a picture of it, but I haven't bought my new mobile phone yet and on the phone I have now there isn't a camera (yeah, I know it sucks).
But then again, it was carved on a window so it could have been kinda hard to get a good photo of it.
. . . .
I mentioned earlier I have decided to buy a new mobile phone. This time I've set sails on the new SonyEricsson K810.
I haven't decided if I should go with a subscription for 12 months or not. Sure in the end it will be cheaper if I decide to buy it without any subscriptions, but then I have to pay around 3200,- SEK ~ 344,- EUR ~ 461,- USD.
What is wrong with the phone I've got now?
* Screen: When I'm in the sun I almost can't see anything on the screen. (Yes I have tried to adjust the screen colours.)
* No camera: No camera, no "Kodak moments photos". I mean when I'm out in town or where ever i see something special (mostly special graffiti and other street art paintings) that I want to take a photo of.
*T9: The "smart" alphabet system that should help out when writing a SMS. Well I don't find it that effective on the Nokia phone I've got...problaby It's because I'm so used to having SonyEricsson's version and that I feel lost with Nokias...
* Buttons: The buttons on the phone can be really irritating, especially the ring button around the center button.
So, yeah I'm bying a new phone.
. . . .
When I got home today I saw that I've got my paycheck so...
I'M IN THE MONEY I GOT SOME MONEY
Wohoo!!
Ha ha ha...
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Yesterday I had nothing to do so I took the bus to a place called Torslanda (swedish wikipedia), I had never been there before and I was kinda curious about the place. When I was there I saw this big supermarket called Maxi ICA (or ICA Maxi as I and many others call it), and with nothing better to do I went inside to get a look at it and to research if it's a place I could think of working at.
While walking around inside that store I see this young woman, and BAM! it hits me, it's a girl I used to work with. A girl I had a crush on too...
I wasn't sure in the beginning if it was her or not, but the more I looked, more sure I was. I wanted to go up to her but I didn't know what to say and I wasn't 100% sure it was her because now when I saw her she had kid in the trolley and she was pregnant. When we used to work togheter she was (I think) around 19-22, she was studying and lived with her boyfriend and no kids in sight.
It was about 5 years since I left that job, to see her and to see she had kids now came as a shock to me, and it got me thinking about my own life and where life had got me in these years.
What I had accomplished since i left that job:
* Got another job, stayed there for about 6 months * Another job again, stayed there for almost 3 years * Met a girl and we almost stayed togheter for over 2 year * Another job once again, been here for soon 3 years.
I shouldn't compare myself to her, different ppl. choose different paths in life, but still i can't help it. I guess all people do the same some time in their life.
. . . .
This day didn't start out good. Last night I dreamt I was at a persons funderal (this person is very close to me), in my dream she had died from a terrorist bombing.
After a while I woke up, and I tried to go back to sleep, but it was to no use. I couldn't since I had images spinning in my head from my dream, the time we used to be togheter and images from the time when I had my Kahloolie Kathan here with me.
To say the least it wasn't fun to wake up all alone in a empty apartment with all these images spinning in my head...
I thought of staying home today, but then I thought that if I do that I would only be reminded of her and it be too hard on me, and if I go to work I hopefully can concentrate on something else.
But now that I am at work I feel even worser...
Hopefully this day will change for the better.
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Last night I had another weird dream again...this time i dreamt that I for some unknown reason went to a place where women sell sex for money (the word "prostitute" don't feel right to use since I got the feeling they had more class).
I started talking to a girl that worked over there and I felt she was really special and after a while we started talking about dating. She wasn't really up for it in the beginning so I came back to talk to her again and after some time she agreed and after a while we became a couple.
But some of her "friends" (?) (her "boss" and his goons maybe? I don't know who they were), weren't that happy about it and started chasing me when they saw me. In my dream I was living in Gothenburg (as I do in real life) but this Gothenburg looked different, more dirty and darker...but maybe it was because I was in those parts of the town.
Every time they chased me I managed to get away, and every time I got to spend time with my girlfriend (in the dream that is) I was happy.
I remember her as really beautiful. The strongest image I have of her was when I talked to her the first time. She had long brown (maybe dark red hair), a black dress, she maybe had a black corset and black high heeled shoes (may have been boots).
I hope to be able to return to her...
. . . .
But I can't help wondering what this dream means? It has been over 1½ years since me and my e.x. girlfriend broke up, I was dating a girl a while ago but nothing happened there. And now this girl at work has caught me in her vision, and last Friday I asked her out but she had plans, so we'll see if that will lead to anything. I sure hope so.
That girl at work is really really beautiful, her eyes, her face...mmm...
Anyway, I hate to be single. Every day I dream of having a girlfriend...when I was with Daniela she wasn't only my girlfriend she was also my best friend. I felt for the first time that I could tell her ANYTHING. And that is the first time i felt I could tell anything to someone.
And of course I miss the love. You know, the kissing, hugging, to be near each other, in bed cosying...and of course I miss the sex. I haven't had sex with anyone since the break up...
It's not that I'm desperate to have sex, but yes I miss it a lot.
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I should go to bed, it's kinda late and as usual I have to get up and go to work. Tomorrow it's Friday so that's good.
I just wish I had some plans for the weekend...oh wait! I do have well...some kind of plan for Friday evening at least. Me and a friend are planning on going to see this Swedish pop (?) band called Detektivbyrån (in rough English: private detective bureau). I have never heard them before, but according to my friend they're supposed to be kinda good. I was first booked up for a underground party at a place called Bunkern, but then my friend said (Hey! Weren't we supposed to go to that bands show??) and i remembered something about saying something about going there...so no underground party for me this time.
I haven't been to Bunkern in a while now, and i miss it. The last time (at the first) was really fun, so have been looking forward to be able to go there again...but no such luck this time.
Oh well...maybe next time...?
OK, now i have gotten some weight off my chest and feel tired, so goodnight you people who are reading this blog, who ever you may be.
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PS. If someone wants to donate the following albums, please leave a message:
Dimmu Borgir - Death Cult Armageddon (limited edition metal book)
The Mars Volta - Frances The mute (Japanese limited edition)
Nine Inch Nails - With Teeth (limited tour edition)
. nothing will ever be the same again | she said I'm not over her yet and she also said it feels akward to talk to me | feeling like crap again | just wanna get away want to move | just get away from it all | leave it all behind and forget | but i have no money | nothing, nothing, nothing will ever be the same again | feeling like crap | why .
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So yesterday I was at a live concert with Mr. Brant Bjork and The Bros and it was awesome (as the last two times I saw him). The only let down was that he didn't go on until really late, around 23.30 he went up on stage and did a kick ass concert until around 01.00 in the night.
When I got aout of the bar he played in I saw the tram to the city just had started from my station, and I knew it was gonna take a long while before a new one is gonna come...I was right, about 30 mins. until next one. I just wanted to get home and I needed "to do the number 1" (if you know what I mean), so nothing to do than just start walking into town...
In the end I was home and went to sleep around 02.30.
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Tonight I'm gonna see Brant Bjork live (!!!!) AAAAND I saw in the magazine Metro (the Swedish, Gothenburg edition) a note on the concert tonight that Alfredo Hernándéz is gonna be on the drums (!!!).
I sat up pretty late last night working on to get the template to work as I want here on Blogger. When I went to sleep I forgot to turn off the alarm on the buzzer so the radio started at 05.40 (!!) and I snoozed it and a while later it started again, I was between sleep and awake so I didn't think about it so much so I snoozed again...only to wake up again a short while again but this time I finally managed to get my head together to turn it off...
But some time later someone called me on the phone, I got up and checked on the screen of the phone but only to find it said "Anonymous", and when I answered the fucker hanged up on me. By that time the clock was around 08.30 and my whole idea of getting some some sweet sleep on a Saturday morning was ruined, I was awake now and I knew I couldn't go back to sleep.
A short while after I got up the same moron called me again and I answered only to find the idiot hanging up on me again!!! I strongly thought of calling my phone provider to try to find out who the idiot is, but i calmed down and just turned off the phone...
. . . .
So, it's Saturday and what the hell am I gonna do today? I have absolutely no idea...think I'm gonna head down to the city to...well, I have no idea...
...crap...
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As you can see i finally changed the horrible background that i used to have, I also changed the template too. Took me a while (to say the least) to finally do it, but for some reason I made my mind up to change it tonight.
More changes might come, mostly small which you readers problaby won't notice...but we'll see what happens in the future. For now I am pleased with the new template I got here.
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Today when I was at my moms to eat dinner, we also watched a movie, this time it was the excellent "The butterfly effect".
The last time I saw it I felt a bit down, I guess it's because it reminds me of that I want to go back and change so much in my past but it can't never be done. I started to think again about what I would like to change the most...
I thought a while about it and figured out that if I could go back and change something I would changed Danielas (my ex. girlfriends) life. I would have changed so she would be a more happy person, without those dark thoughts inside her that she has about life, and how unhappy she was (and still are...?).
She told me that her mom wasn't like other moms when she grew up (and still isn't), you know like hugging you and mom stuff like that. And she also told me that she considered to take her life, she even tried a couple of times. Her old boyfriends and friends have hurt her al lot and have given her deep scars, and a lot of other stuff that made her life miserable.
Changing the past and Danielas life would have meant that we probably would never have met and get to know each other, but if I knew that Daniela lived her life happily it would have been worth it. It's not that I regret the time I got with Daniela, I love her a lot and miss her very very much and I think about her all the time and I often dream back to the times when we were together here in Sweden or in Israel. She showed me a world I didn't knew anything about and gave me a lot of fun moments in life that I will always will remember with a lot of warmth.
But it hurts me so much to see and hear that she is unhappy, she is a very wonderful person that deserves so much, much much more than she even thinks she deserves.
Dani, this post is for you.
I know we haven't talked much lately, I hope you are doing fine with school and all the jobs you have.
I also hope that you have time to be with your friends Matan, Lookshine, Rotem, Noga & Genie, Ravit, Arbel, Jack and all the other ppl.
I miss you and I hope you haven't totally forgotten about me and that you're coming here to Sweden soon.
I know I have said a while ago that the next Desperate Housewives DVD was finished, but I noticed when I tried it that it didn't work out as good as I wanted it, so I have to redo everything. I'm really sorry about that.
But you know PC´s, one day they work the next day they won't. But now I have a new fresh installation of Win. XP on my computer and gonna get to work, and if everything works out I'll do the Green Wing DVDs too, as I promised.
Ani ohev af toot.
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